Sometimes being true to yourself hurts other people...

While i'm staying on our beloved home in Plaridel, i keep on contemplating on the things that happened in the past few days and months. I keep on thinking if i have changed or not. I keep on thinking if i've been good or bad. But i realized that, "SOMETIMES BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF HURTS OTHER PEOPLE."

I used to belong in a barkada when I was a first year college student in a certain school here in Bulacan. I was separated from them since I was a backfighter, mean and a bossy girl. After that, I met new friends that I really enjoyed their company. They treat me like a sister yet I've been bad to them. I guess I wasn't  meant to have friends at all since I always fight them back and was always left alone.

I've tried to remove being backfighter and I was successful on doing that 2 years ago. I guess this attitude of mine came back when I met a guy whom I really loved so much and because of my possesiveness on him, I began to hate those friends of mine who became close to him. I began to be jealous with them whenever he chooses their company rather than to be with me. But inspite of that attitude, they are still there for me...

And one day, while i'm having a hard time with my suitors, a news came that the biometrics that I long hoped for to be used for our thesis is not available in our country, which made me more hot headed that time. My barkada keep on insisting that we should rather use different biometrics but I did not listen to them. I invited my exboyfriend-turned-to-be my-bestestfriend to accompany me to the Bulacan Capitol and help me be in Good Vibes.

I was enraged more when he has chosen my barkada to accompany rather than me, her exgirlfriend-turned-to-be-her-bestestfriend. This made me text him "Go marry her!" And you know what he has told the girl i've mentioned in my text message what i have texted.  That's why we had a fight last wednesday.

I guess I was wrong when I texted that to him but i'm just being true to myself that time. I don't know what to feel that time. Like I was left alone by all people and i'm so sad too. 

I am backstabber, yes. But sometimes, it doesn't mean that whenever I say something behind someone's back, i really mean it. I'm just too emotional whenever I say words that I don't really mean. I really don't know how to be angry or be in rage for a long time. When I'm in rage this time, I'll be ok after 30 -60 minutes. I will be jolly and ok again.

But I guess, not everyone understands me.

They keep on judging me.

They keep on hurting me.

Guess I wasn't meant to have a friend.

Guess being true to yourself sometimes hurt other people...